His later life and his struggles and victories.

As he wished to become scientist, he went on for a postgraduation in Mathematical Sciences. But, he had confidence that he would marry the cousin and do his PG by studying in DU without classes directly by reading textbooks of libraries, that he even expressed to his mother. But, she wasn’t supportive about the idea, being conservative. During his final year he gave entrance exams for PG admission. He also thought of applying for University of Delhi’s MSc Math or OR program. But, as he got call for interview and orientation for IIT-MSc, he as his family encouraged to takeup that for absence of all strikes and ragging menaces of university joined that program. But, at the same time since fall of final year UG, he was struck by an anxiety disorder called OCD due to his over laboring in academics. So, he was disarrayed as to how he will be continuing his higher studies. He himself went to AIIMS psychiatry department and undertook treatment, meanwhile he as provoked by his father he went to relax by meeting his love, still he was in pain he was experiencing romantic pleasure. After 3 months in treatment he was in remission from OCD symptoms. Moreover, his depressive symptoms have also gone by start of his academic session. His personality too was gradually changing from introvert to extrovert. His energies increased to nearly explosive – tremendous amounts of raw energy, need for just 4 hours of sleep, very sharp decisions, top reading speed and comprehension. He became increasingly sociable, expansive talking etc. At that point he seemed to be at top of the world. He also performed fairly well in internal exams of MSc. But, during major exams, his treatments were changed as diagnosis of mania was made and strong antimanics were given by psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh to drastically curb that episode, which also affected his performance and morale. He took such medications for an year, after which he was never able to perform as he could earlier. He faced total crisis and to all fuel to the fire, the IIT faculty also equally did injustice to him by not guiding properly and taking away grades even in scoring subjects even for no reason, deliberately – Rajesh Bhatt, Lipika Dey, BS Panda. He considers whole math dept of IITD responsible for his intellectual bankruptcy. Anyhow, he successfully completed his IIT-MSc, though with marginal GPA.

He wished further investigations in his MH matters. So, he headed for NIMHANS Bangalore. There, he was given yet a poor quality and harsher antimanic, that was followed up in IHBAS in Delhi. He took the treatment for 3 years that ruined him – his life and career totally. He lost his ability of reading. His memory was failing. He holds IHBAS psychiatrist SN Sengupta responsible for that.

Due to poor GPA and failing abilities, he became more and more dejected and demoralized. At one point he socially secluded, isolated. He didn’t wish to meet any of friends or relatives. These all were consequence of loss and absence of social status as result of previous failures. Now, he became distant from his 2 missions. He holds his teachers and doctors responsible for such situation. He even felt the grip of poverty due to not being earning hand and hence socially independent.

He slowly gave up these prescription drugs and went into naturopathy for next 5 years consulting various doctors, psychiatrists and neurologists abroad and taking their recommended nutriceuticals. But, he still was far from previous abilities that he had lost. With just partial remission and residual cognitive deficits, he thought he was suffering from major depression that havent been fully addressed. But, he was in dilemma between MDD and attention deficit disorder(ADD). But, he more biased towards possibility of MDD as causative factor. So, he presented to psychiatrist Prashant Goyal his depressive symptoms with a focus on psychological energy aspect of depression. But, he had told he was never good at attention eversince. So, he had marked possibility of ADD. He tried one antidepressant after another resulting in multiple failures and 5 months of just suffering. Then, he along with his father presented entire psychiatric history from 2004 till date. He suggested adding on an anticonvuslant that works  more from below, as Phoenix had more of depression than mania. But the residual neurocognitive symptoms were still lurking behind. But, his goal of treatment was to put the cognitive symptoms too in remission that have been responsible for his being non-functionable.

Now, he took the matters in his hands and started referring various psychiatry and neuroscience texts, articles and papers and came to conclusion with much scientific evidence know that neurocognitive symptoms were part of ADD. He presented those findings to the psychiatrist who though was theoretically convinced but was reluctant to make a diagnosis until he had an interview with his parents. Phoenix reached a correct diagnoses lately. Now, he has got fresh lease of life. Now, what still remains to address is his questions related to starting of career.

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